When I awoke all my friends had vanished and in their place sat the monster. His tail stretched out through the front door; five tables lay crushed beneath his vast and ancient gut; his neck stretched twice round the bar and he filled himself with beer from the Taps. I dared not move for fear that he would eat me alive but I need not have worried - All he wanted was to drink and talk. "No one believes anymore," he moaned and I ventured that I could sympathise. "There's no bloody mystery these days...I blame technology," he went on, and I surmised that this had not been the first bar he'd hit that day. "How's a monster meant to do his job, eh?" They're not happy with shadows and allusions anymore, oh no. I can't just swim around leaving ripples and rumours, naw naw, everyone's got a bloody camera in their phones now, haven't they? Day in day out two thousand camera pointed at my loch. How am I supposed to evade, to lure, to vanish. They want me to burst out the water and give a song and dance!" He paused as the lager from the three taps ran dry. "Well, if they want a monster , I'll show them a bloody monster!" He raised a flipper to me and shouted, "Hey you , human. C'mon, let's hit another bar."